"Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." - Oprah Winfrey
As of late, I have been wanting to rebrand once again. I feel like I have a fair & healthy relationship via social media and with real life. Toxic as may everything seem in certain moments (lol). Did you know heightened levels of emotion only last a total of 90 seconds. It's only if you prolong and weigh your thinking on a certain emotion that it can and may last much longer, which can be hours, days, months, to years, etc. Ultimately with this evidence it's stating that it is very much a choice of whether or not you stay mad, irritated, sad, alone, etc.
Happiness is bliss or is it ignorance. There are certain levels of compassion and connection that I have gotten the pleasure to experience while being in the model side of the industry. But in most case scenarios in any realm and field there just doesn't seem to be much altruism and people are innately advantageous. In a world where you are worth based on your following, likability and engagement.
(This is also why I don't share my social media account with my "dates" - not that I am going on any at the moment. I have also fully decided to be 3 months celibate, which so far - I am going a whole week and half strong! Proud of me.) Last night around 4 AM, I decided to fully archive my instagram. This is also something that I have been wanting to do (once again) for quite some time. If you guys have been a follower of mine since the beginning or whenever you may have dropped in, you would have notice the various progressions of my timeline. And I'm feeling another one coming on. My worth and my value is so much more than a platform where I dedicate my time and efforts for what exactly? Acceptance, admiration from strangers, to feel connected, importance, support? All of these examples are valid of course. Cause what harm does any human admiration do to anyone?
I think the problem I have with social media at the moment is that I have caught myself spending way too much time on my phone. So many of us not wearing SPF just starring at blue screens (increasing wrinkles on our faces) just all throughout the day, and ruining our posture and lack of self awareness around us. It's a great escape! I also think it was the only way during the pandemic of how we all stayed sane and connected as well. And I enjoyed the coping mechanism it did serve me and the joys I have been able to make of it. I just needed a break. I'm excited to see what is to come in the next couple of months. I find every day to be chaos just because I do not know what is to come the following day. Finding that I also need to find and set aside the time to nurture myself enough, even while in this sort of isolation. However, I did start therapy! Yay more me! This was a hesitated decision for quite some time, as I do believe healthcare and education should be provided for free. Also it has been almost a year since I last had a therapist. Before some of you even decided to do a side eye let's just say, "EVERYONE NEEDS THERAPY." No matter how just or level headed and put together you seem. There's always something to dismantle I find. A Renaissance woman. That is what I classify myself as aka my highly functioning ADD/ADHD adult mind (further diagnosis and tests will be done eventually). I thrive on making projects & work. Even this blog! I don't necessarily see this as work though... I'm just doing a check in, and also to continue practicing again for myself to be better at writing. Oh have I stated that English is technically not my first language? Grammar also isn't my best strong suit. I did not go to school for writing or literature. Although I have been wanting to get back into photography again and I've been saying this for quite some time. At this point, I'm just giving myself excuses cause also I don't have the time. I literally have to choose everyday what I am able or even capable of doing based off of my availability and physical health. *sigh* Adulting. This is where I guess the title comes in. When does passion eventually become work and does work become your passion instead? I have also been wanting to go back into some educational program or obtaining a license of sorts. I had the idea of having a Masters or even enrolling in a Masters program will just cause too much ruckus in my life right now - that I find that to be too much of a dedication. So many people got offended one time when I reposted this person's tweet. It stated something in the context of, "if you're not making money at your passion than it's just a hobby." Which I counteracted and stated in my instastories that there is not a problem in regards to having a hobby. I think hobbies are essential for growth and sanity.
A good handful (mainly yt woman) got angry at my statement, as if it were attacking their own character. It just seemed to me that a lot of us need to do some inner shadow work and be okay with certain terms. This also reminded me that even as an "influencer" I am human and I rightfully so have my platform that I created by myself with no ads and no one's help, and I am allowed to use my voice however I choose to please. I am NOT for everyone. I'm not trying to drive a bus.. that's why a Bugatti has two seats. Bougie as it seems, bougie as it comes.
It is 3:03 AM. And I have a whole event to host and put together at my studio in the next 9 hours so I shall be leaving this post as it is. It's going to be fun! I do seem to love curating these events, but it also does get overwhelming at times... but again - I am excited to see what else I can do. Modeling is just a category of me. I do not think it defines me as a whole. Sleep tight! xx p.s. Do what feels right for you! And go with your gut <3